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The Five Stages of Drinking:
LEVEL 1: It's 11:00pm on a weeknight, and you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have to work the next morning and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at Level 1 you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."
LEVEL 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing that basketball players are better today then in the past. You get up to leave again, but at Level 2, a little devil appears on your shoulder (that looks like Misho Ceko). And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool."
LEVEL 3: 1:00am: You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing that basketball players of the past were better then today's players. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress(or Kilroy's bartender) is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." At Level 3, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his/her face. You get drinking fantasies. (Like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Fun Johnny, you could cook.") But at Level 3, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking, "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep ...snap fingers, I'm cool."
LEVEL 4: 2:00am:. Your little devil is now bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum 141. Now you ARE the coolest, toughest, and greatest looking person in the world(Jazz). This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar -- just because you don't like his face. And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best-looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an ... after-hours bar. And here, at Level 4, you actually think to yourself, "Well ... as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well ... STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah!( All ideas are good in Level 4) That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like zombie. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow...cool.
LEVEL 5: 5:00am. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Danielle!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as ... that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick black liquor, like something from a Serbian wedding. A waitress with a patch over her left eye comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends(Ikonich) stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!" and passes out. You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of Level 5 -- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never actually do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. Your in TROUBLE!!!!
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